Do you feel calm and in control?
I guess we all like to think we have things under control, that we are self-disciplined and able to keep calm. How many of us have experienced moments of extreme behaviour that appear to come from nowhere? One moment we are happily bumbling along and the next we fly into inappropriate and uninhibited rage.
Do you judge and criticise yourself?
It would be easy to judge and criticise ourselves and exile this behaviour as unacceptable reprimanding ourselves for our temporary loss of control. But why does this happen? Undoubtedly there has to be a trigger, but often this can be subtle and yet still provokes this strong reaction.
The act of exiling this part of us that exhibits this over reaction can drive this part to grab another moment to burst out uninvited. This part may have been ostricized long ago and craves attention and a chance to express itself.
Denial or acceptance?
Self management is not about denying the parts that contribute to who we are. This denial has contributed to pushing this part to take up an extreme position that fights for some air space and a chance to have a voice. This part may have been in exile for so long because it was considered too dangerous or painful to be let in and it has been imprisoned and isolated. In short the longer it is exiled the more desperate and extreme it becomes.
Learning self management means allowing all parts to be heard and understood. The result of being able to accept all parts of you even those that you previously chastised brings harmony and more of a sense of unity. Therefore building a relationship with your parts under your careful management is far more likely to result in a peaceful calm place. It is not to say there won’t be disagreements within you, but good management listens and leads to a holistic solution.
Harmony Through Self Management
1. Become aware of a time when you have experienced behaviour you would consider to be extreme.
2. Ask yourself what part of you was producing that reaction and where do you feel it in your body?
3. How would you label this part? For example dark part, sad part, scared part?
4. How do you relate to that part? For example do you chastise, criticise, judge?
5. How would you like to change how you feel towards this part?
5. Ask yourself the motive of this part, it’s positive intention in what it does?
6. How often do you feel able to manage this part?
7. What are you aware of happening within you when it is triggered?
8. How successful are you at calming this part?
9. What does this part want for you?
Change your perception
When you have the answers to these questions you probably have a different perception of this part now. Take time to be still and allow yourself to be closer to this part while being completely safe and protected from its extreme emotions. Just get a sense of how that part feels and assure this part you hear it and are happy to listen and understand its positive intention. Put your hands on the part of your body where you feel this part is most present and imagine sending it the resources (i.e. love, understanding, compassion, empathy) it needs to release this extreme role it has taken on. Remind this part it wasn’t always in this role and that it has attributes you consider to be valuable. Reassure this part you are there for it and can communicate with it more regularly and easily if it realises its value and works with you. Assure the part it can trust you to manage and lead and will consider this parts’ concerns.
What helps with this?
Using modalities such as EFT that work with energy and affect the mind, body and emotions is very effective with aligning parts within you.
If you want to know more Karen Oliver at the Clinic can help.